I've been SUPing for about 4 years now and copped a bit of abuse from time to time for no other reason than I was riding a SUP - not for dropping in, not for being greedy and not for falling off on my umpteenth undeserved set wave.

So there I am this morning paddling out at a rather delightful reef point with an old mate visiting from Sydney on a morning that the surf websites were calling onshore, when in fact it was WNW and perfect offshore, and it was 4ft plus for the first time since pre-Xmas. He's frothing, hasn't seen waves breaking more than 100m for 10 years, and we're late for it at 645am but there are only 2 blokes out instead of 30. We even wear a set of ten 5ft waves on the head paddling out, with only one wave ridden by one of the two blokes out the back, which was a short one and only broke for about 80 yards. We reach the takeoff and one of the chaps turns around and greets me with a spray of vitriol that would make the pub silent on grand final arvo. Of course I tried to be diplomatic and extended the tried and true reciprocal greeting of f-off and inquired as to where on earth he might be from, all the usual niceties, but then after the 5th or 6th to-and-fro it got a bit boring and I got stuck - my lines were just too predictable and I was laughing too much at the stupidity of it all. I was so disappointed with my wit and command of the vernacular that I didn't even offer to brush his teeth with the paddle from a rectal perspective (too easy). Or invite him to the beach for a good hiding (too old-school).

I need help, as extreme violence is beginning to look like an option. I need some good one-liners to engage those most tolerant of souls without whom we would have resort to sharing waves and watching sunrises, in a lively and engaging repartee. Any good ones? The more Monty Python-esque the better.

cheers
tang

ps some one-liners for those SUPers who make it hard for the rest of us might be in order as well.

It sure was big around Wye river to Cathedral rock this morning. Too big for this wimp!

Sorry to hear about your incident.
No I have never been abused on the water by other surfers when on my SUP probably because I keep off to the side and try not get in anyone's way if it is crowded, but have recently seen a Mal-rider purposely run into a fellow SUP surfer on the same wave and cause him to fall off after being hit in the back. There was just 2 SUPs and about 12 surfers.
Looked like there was going to be fisticuffs but the Mal rider said "sorry mate" even though he appeared to do it on purpose. SUPer was bloody P...ed Off.
No wonder....
Good luck.

Sadly the green eyed monster, prejudice, ignorance or many other factors can lead to this crap, Remember the old Westerns where the Cattle guys used to shoot the sheep farmers??

I cant offer any wit, but. With time spent out my SUP mates and I have found a few breaks where the short board guys are the exception and we get the waves to ourselves. I can't understand it myself. Plenty of waves out there and it's not like you can take every wave anyway! Get over it! Right equipment for the right conditions!

Come join the party, it's so much fun on the SUP side of the argument.

Thx momasfolly, i will do that next time

You should have told them you were a Waterman, that would have shut them up.

It's the nature of the equipment. If I paddle out anywhere and go straight to the head of the pack or just outside the pack into prime position, I'd better have some kind of local rights or be very confident of myself. At a strange break or one where I'm not part of the local pack I'll respectfully wait my turn, and not out the back either. FWIW at some of the places I surf most of the better visiting surfers know not to paddle straight out. But SUPs kind of have to stand out the back, so resentment follows because it's felt that they are jumping the queue. It doesn't help that some SUPers are greedy. E.g. there's a guy at everyone's favourite beachbreak, shoulder length blond hair, 50s, who will spot a wave coming before any surfers and paddle rabidly 30m left or right to claim it, despite people already sitting in the right position for it. He does it repeatedly. Not doing SUP any favours.

Legion is right. It's Human Nature. It's like white line fever in footy. Guys get in the surf and turn from Dr. Jekyll to Mr Hyde. My pathetic advice is to surf away from the jerks as SUP's can surf almost anything. Once it gets a bit of size the idiots don't bother you because they're watching from the shore or surfing kiddies corner and hassling the groms. My prediction 4 pages for this topic. Greenroom's advice has also worked for me before.

Oh you poor sooks.....I had a knob with no idea or balancing, or surf skills come paddle over to a bank this morning and carry on like a goose. This happens a lot....yesterday a knob on a longboard dropped in on me twice....oh the problems in my life...

Sadly,the ratio of decent SUPpers to crap ones,well it is certainly not in the favour of the good guys...
So go on keep.crying, it makes for great reading

chrispy said..

Oh you poor sooks.....I had a knob with no idea or balancing, or surf skills come paddle over to a bank this morning and carry on like a goose. This happens a lot....yesterday a knob on a longboard dropped in on me twice....oh the problems in my life...

Sadly,the ratio of decent SUPpers to crap ones,well it is certainly not in the favour of the good guys...
So go on keep.crying, it makes for great reading

That time of the month chrispy

There are dickheads everywhere. I come from a short board background and I was the only guy around my area to SUP for a long time. Surfers were always curious and supportive but there were always some dickheads and idiots in the water.

I remember last year I was catching the my first wave of the session in a spot I don't go to often and this guys (who had finished a wave 200 metres from where I taking off) just starts screaming like a madman. There was no way I could hit him, even if I tried my best (and I was riding a small board not a tanker). When I returned to the line up, the same guy tries to expel me from the water, screaming like a sissy girl. It was probably some cook who thought he was a local (the locals there know me and treat me well...). I just told him to **** off and it worked.

I also had a bizarre experience a couple months ago. I was SUPing with only about 5 surfers in the water. Waves were perfect and super glassy. One of my best sessions ever. So, as I was wanting for a set, and another beautiful set came with a couple of waves. There I only me and another surfer outside and I had priority and it was my turn (he had just paddled back after catching a wave). I started paddling for the first wave and that ****er paddled towards me trying to burn me. I eventually hit him in the head with the paddle because he paddled straight at me when my paddle was about to hit the water. He was ****ing lucky I didn't opened his head! The others surfer that were there saw it all and nobody understood the other guy attitude for paddling for my wave and against me.

But most of the time I have no problem with surfer and get along pretty well. But for 20 every 20 guys that are OK with SUP there's always one dickhead!

Next time just ask him what his boyfriend rides? Always gets a good reaction as you piss yourself laughing and get in position as the next set rolls through they haven't even noticed whilst turning blue in the face screaming at ya! Works for me!

Legion said..

If I paddle out anywhere and go straight to the head of the pack or just outside the pack into prime position, I'd better have some kind of local rights or be very confident of myself.

Are you saying if your a local, or a ripper its okay to just jump ahead of the pack straight up

Straight up SUP attacks always made me laugh why someone would want to threaten a bloke holding a big stick..

Chrispy your a bit off track there...Pretty sure Tang wasn't whining about the "kooks or longboarders" but about being verbally abused by some spanner for doing nothing more then paddling out...absolute crap.
I'm thinking old skool is the way to go Tang, well at least an invite to dance anyway see if there serious.

And along the lines of the bloke being cranky so early...you could point out if he had stayed in bed and shagged his missus before going for a surf like you did he wouldn't be such a wanker

And evos is a sick wave on a esky lid yewww

Yes cj, a wee bit off track....yet I really could abuse some spanner as you put it that rides a sup everyday. They really do.deserve it,but Meh,is it really worth it?

CJ83 said..

If they a deserve a mouthful Chrispy let loose, but paddling out anywhere in Australia and getting told to f off before catching a wave ain't on in my book sorry...but hey each to there own

I will say that the day Tightlines and i went surfing together he was Very nervous (almost the right word, Maybe more anxious) about how he would be received in the line up. He did paddle out on a SB but soon changed for the SUP. Most guys were i was sitting had no issue, but one guy obviously did give him a bit of a hassle. It must get boring having to deal with that every time you paddle out. I have seen other SUP's their, but they normally couldn't even make it through the shore break and they often get laughed at. But if you can handle your craft (which Tightlines obviously can) then any good crowd would/should have no issue.

The other point was he was obviously catching other waves that, as said often going unridden by the surfers..

I agree nothing wrong with telling someone off when they do the wrong thing, but to just say piss of because of there craft is simply wrong. IMHO..