You know why you associate drugs with people killing themselves?
for the same reason why some people associate going in the ocean in WA with getting eaten by a shark: even tough the percentage of people that destroyed themselves is tiny, compared with the number of recreational user with a normal life, death sells.

no news channel is gonna make a story about the accountant that trips on lsd every once in a while but still has a good family, pays his mortgage and has a generally good health.

because is boooring!!! they are gonna tell the story of the kid that went nuts and shot himself while under pot because that is gonna appeal to your rage, is gonna make you yell "that's not right!". But it's not always like that.

now, personally I don't like the idea of putting in my body something chemical unless I know exactly who made it (because YES you can die from a single dose IF it's cut with ammonia). But except for that, make sure that she does the smart choices (no drugs and driving, no drugs and drinking, having somebody sober to keep you safe if you are outside your house), but let her make her experiences.

my parents weren't too close minded, but they freaked our when they found a botte of flavoured vodka in my bedroom (I was 15 and me and my friends always gathered at my place, and drank vodka redbull everyonce in a while.. nobody drunk, we were just kids trying new things (and until I was 19 the legal age for drinking was 16 in italy)) my reaction? oh, mom I'm never gonna do it again -> actually just started being smarter in not getting caught -> became a bartender.

ok, it's not an illegal drug, but I would have started using more if they forbid me from using it.


I'm not saying drugs are good or bad. I'm not saying let her run amok in a dark alley an use everything she can put her hands on. But don't suffocate her, don't judge her, and don't give her "the speech" about how they are gonna kill her: tv keeps yelling that at us, schools keep yelling that.. if you do it too, you are gonna dismissed as "the preacher" again, without listening.
ask her how she started. how was her first trip? did she ever passed out because of that? what does she feel when she use it? does she see herself still using it in 10 years from now? and so on.
don't tell her, let her speak.

at least that's my idea... i'm just 21, I never used drugs until i was 19 (didn't have access to them earlier), and by then I was already mature enough to control myself. I made my choices, I tried something, and decided that some weren't my cup of tea (I may share a puff if somebody has it and offers, but I'm not gonna buy it or feel the urge). there's still stuff I didn't have a chance to try and I would like to see how it feels. there is stuff I would never put in my body.
but the point is, if I get to choose I can say no and be ok. If others demand me not to do something, I will always wonder, and want to try it more.

e0422713 said...

I thought id breach the mistrust when we found out she did not attend the party or the sleep over and came home the next day. 15 yrs old

...actually I think that whatever stance you take on the drug issue 15 is too young.

Am I right in thinking drugs are easier to get than alcohol for teenagers?

^ Yeah but I've read, and I'm no teenager any more, that it is far easier, and cheaper, to get drugs than alcohol if you are under 18. Makes sense, and it was that way when I was a teenager too.

Not saying that legalisation would completely stop teenagers from experimenting with drugs, but it may actually make it harder for them.

Yes/no?

Just a suggestion? But maybe remove the pills and not say a word?! Would do her head in, really give her something to lie awake at night and ponder and she's not likely to go running to mum and dad to ask where they're at....leave it a few weeks then start leaving literature around the house about drugs, their effects, police charges etc, etc.....good luck, hope it all pans out alright.

e0422713 said...



Just found her stash 3 pills in the top drawer. Now what do I do??

e0422713 said...

swapped the pills........for safety
now what

e0422713 said...

I thought id breach the mistrust when we found out she did not attend the party or the sleep over and came home the next day. 15 yrs old

e0422713 said...

I asked her if she had anything in her room that was illegal
She said no
I have images of the real pills and shown her.
She now has bolted since 6 pm and the cops say i can list her missing till after 24 hrs

e0422713 said...

she has come home......

My daughter is now 20 and we didn't go through anything like that - she only went through one testy period that lasted about 6 months when she was around 14.

My son, however, was a complete nightmare from the time he hit his 13th birthday. Drugs, alcohol abuse, suicide/attention seeking attempts, staying away from home for days on end, suspensions and then expulsions, violent confrontations, cops around at least every month and just endless dramas and issues for about two years - he's 16 now and things have settled.

During this period his physical appearance changed dramatically - went from a little boy to a man who is now taller and physically much stronger and fitter than I am.

I guess I've been in the same boat as you right now. I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think it really matters how you react. Their bodies are going through big changes, and they probably don't remember or understand the problems they've caused.

Looking back on the last few years I think all we can really do, as concerned parents, is listen and do what we think is right.

If there was one thing that really helped my son, we pulled him out of the education system (which didn't work for him anyway) and put him into a school we found run by an 80yo Judo expert.

The syllabus consists of plenty of physical exercise, maths and English. The school only accepts around 20 male students aged between 13 and 16 and they just put the fear of god into their troubled students - through intense physical excursion:

www.frankdando.com.au/

Two years on and still at the school, I feel he's going to come out the other end and become an outstanding human being. I feel a little disappointed I didn't get to enjoy the father/son thing with him in his teens - that I was looking forward to - but my feeling is I'll be good friends with him as we grow older.

I'm sorry that I haven't got any real advice for you, but just keep caring and doing what you think is right - 'cause it's probably wrong.

Good luck Mr e0422713 from WA.