NotWal said...

my shark story -

doggerel warning

The Kiter Girl - a talking blues

A shark was prowlin about the bay
Hadn’t eaten for a bunch of days
His guts were hangin out fer a feed
He was ravenous n kinda mean

Oh a jelly fish and a squid or two
Had blundered into his maw
But jellyfish is peppery mush
N the squid was chewy n raw

He had a lust for bleeding meat
A most delightful feller
He was in the mood for killing
When he glided into Wello

Then somethin bright flashed passed his eye
I think it was the right one
N the greedy glint in that beady eye
Was absolutely frightenin

So he stopped t hide n check it out
Like a true pelagic hoodlum
His every sense wus wire tense
He pumped his gills and flexed his pecs
His lorenzini sensor thingies
Felt every pico ampere
His lateral line wuz keenly primed
For the subtlest quiverin out there

And he wasn’t just yer average shark
Though any shark'd scare ya
If you saw him pass you’d cross yourself
N utter a silent prayer

He was pure evil incarnate
A sneaky grey assassin
The kinda sickenin dirty creep
That you wouldn’t turn yer back on

His evil started in the womb
When he ate up all his brothers
N his mother died n went t hell
To join her demon lover

And a frisson of fear hit every heart
In every livin creature.
Leavin a scar of innocence lost
Accordin to my teacher

And mothers held their children close
N whispered soothing lies
Something evil was abroad
And these were evil times


~-0-~


So he found an inconspicuous spot
N there he watched and waited
It wasn’t long before he saw
What he anticipated

The brilliant thing that caught his eye
Went flyin past again
Elizabeth Bate the kiter girl
Was dangling from a string

Ah ha he thought she’s nicely ripe
Mmm… I bet she’s tasty
It wont be long before she’ll be
My intimate acquaintance

But he didn’t know he’d picked a fight
With a pedagogic titan
Had he known her name he'd a thought again
N sought something else t bite on.

When he made his play that fateful day
That demon shark had blundered
He really shoulda just swum away
A critical misjudgement

What went down I can’t relate
You’d have to see to appreciate
The incredible skill of our Miss Bate
When she introduced him to his fate

Sharky found when she pinned him down
And tied him to a desk
I t was pencils down n hands away
N our Miss Bate knows best.

Elizabeth Bate though not well known
Will be famous ‘fore too long
She could educate the worst of the worst
N charm a beast with a song

She was versed in the occult quisenaire
And longhand cursive writing
And fer lots of things about teaching lore
Won bursaries and prizes

She took that shark from a to zed
And from one to ten again
And inculcated the ****in lot
Into his tiny brain

N when that shark was properly taught
N passed all his exams
He did a degree in philosophy
“I swim therefore I am”

Now ya might think it was foolish
N a dangerous state of affairs
T let that evil bastard free
To do his worst again

But no its not as it turns out
As lots of folks could tell ya
He’s educated n overpaid
In fact he’s now a lawyer

So the word got out and the legend spread
Through seas around the world
How the demon shark was broken by
That teacher kiter girl

And the dugong and the turtles sing
Mysterious and mellow
Of the terrible reign of the demon shark
That ended there at Wello

The fishes dance n frolic free
And Wellos more inviting
Cos sharks n rays stay far away
When Elizabeth Bate goes kiting

aus301 said...

More chance of becoming a grease spot on a road somewhere on the way to the beach than getting eaten while you are there.

Ellobuddha said...



This is a guy from down my way about 2 years ago. real nice guy and sooo lucky. Where they dive, no way would I sail. Best time of year for GWS down here. Couple in the bay every year. Reports of one hitting a seal only a couple of weeks ago in front of some tourists - though not confirmed.

Have a look at this - the Dave Letterman show interview was better, no b.s. graphics and wrong names for locals.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=2503081n

Ellobuddha said...

I also remember hearing somewhere that more humans killed by falling coconuts. Its a wonder we havent burnt even coconut palm to the ground as well.

Zed said...
Almost a symbiotic relationship if you like, they need us for food and we need them to keep the crowds away :)

DavMen said...



Lucky they put a saftey fence around it! , you may have accidently triped over it as you where walking down the beach.

wormy said...


The crocodile laying on its back sunbathing its belly whilst having a snack.