oliver said...
My son is 13 and is giving us a hell of a time at the moment and that's got me dreaming of a better life
Best SUP wave could be St George in Geraldton on a big swell. Nice flowing wave that walls up then flows into deep water. When the wind isn't blowing though.
But that is avoiding the point really. How to deal with a 13 year old? Research shows there are three ways to parent.
Only one is effective.
The 3 ways are
1. Authoritarian. An example of this is. Parent shouts! YOU WILL NOT SMOKE CIGARETTES. IF I CATCH YOU SMOKING YOU WILL GET A HIDING!
Outcome= The child sneaks around to his mates place as soon as he can and has a puff. Ineffective
2. Laissez Faire. Where the child is allowed to find boundaries for itself. Often used by hippies and indigenous parents. Outcome=The child bares the burden of their own experimentation. Ineffective
3.Authoritative. The child is educated to the dangers of an activity and taught that the consequences will be something he alone must carry. Example. Parent to child. " If you wish to smoke it is entirely your decision" "However if you smoke you will stink". "It will make you ill". "It will cost you heaps". etc List all the reasons why you don't want them to smoke then allow them autonomy. Allow them to choose.This is amazingly effective.Your children aren't fools and will invariably make the right decision if they are educated to the dangers. If they are given no choice however they will choose to infuriate you
It seems to me that there is a default setting for most Australian parents and that is the Authoritarian version. Telling kids what to do and allowing them no input or choice in that decision is a sure way to reap rebellion and dissent. All you need to do is remember what it was like when you were growing up.