You want meow meow chicken or bok bok chicken. Bok bok please.. No bule, you get meow meow chicken. Please I want bok bok chicken........ No meow meow, than hysterical laughter from the locals. ( I think it was chicken although not 100 percent sure. Tasted like chicken, )
If you misses can not take one Bag , don't take her 
Always leave a kilo or two or three extra space in your back pack ,it will save you heaps
When living and eating in 3rd world villages, those tasty little meat ball thingies might actually be what they look like 
A lot of goats must have high pitched baaaaaarrs after the big bowl full we ate....till we found out what they were.
- If you're planning on using GPS to take you to an airport in a foreign country, leave 2 hours earlier.
- Sometimes it's better to travel alone... sure you may feel like a leper in restaurants, but at least you won't have to put up with incessant complaining.
Remember to lock your door! Then when the sargeant of the local police force (Kuta) won't be able to walk in and find you had just been smoking an illegal herb 
in 1978.
Kinda makes your heart beat a little quicker
Always find a landmark when you park your pushbike. Just spent an hour looking for mine in a big korean seafood type market.
Trusted fellow Aussie travellers are a good bs filters
Never take an Israeli princess on a five day hike with you...no matter how much you think she might be a good r--t
High street Tax free shopping in Europe is a con.
The theory: you buy goods on the high street they seem expensive but they tell you you'll 20% back, you get a form which you need to fill out and have "customs" sign/stamp at your last European airport, then they give you the tax back 15-21%
The practise: you get the form, then you have to carry you sh!t as hand luggage all over the damn continent, you'll probably forget some of it on a plane and have to wait 2hrs for them to give it back. When you finally reach your last airport nobody knows anything about the form, you'll spend 1hr trying to find out about it, then they'll tell you you need to get out of the airport and head over to customs in another building, when you eventually find the camouflaged office , they'll be out to lunch... 2hrs later and you have to RUN with your sh!t to catch your flight. Even if you manage to get all of the above done you'll need a post stamp from that country to post the form back to the original shop.
I left Europe 3x recently (UK, Italy and Spain) with the same goods and I couldn't get the damn forms stamped.
It's a con don't fool for it.
Cities and countries can be rated by the IFH Index. (IFH stands for I'd F..k Her (or Him, depending on preference)). The index is the average interval, in seconds, between seeing locals you'd like to, er, do. Seasonal variations apply.
The IFH index for Paris is 5.4. For most of Italy, it's 3.1. For London it's 65. Not sure about any former Eastern bloc countries. Melbourne actually rated 0.5 once, but I later learned that there was an audition for some modelling TV show going on.
If travelling with a spouse, do not inform her that you are conducting IFH research, unless she is happy and understanding enough to conduct her own.
And if you can't find good food in Italy (Harrow), do whatever you can to get a Nonna-cooked meal in a rural home. Where they raised the chicken and rabbits for the table and grew their own produce. You'll never taste better. Unbelievable.
