Looks like there are 2 schools of thought here.
1. Slowing down before gybing by going upwind

2. Going full tilt into gybes at max speed

Its mostly just time time on water and practice, and then practice some more!
From my own experiences, I was gybing mostly like option 1 at 1st.
It was only when one day I said **** this, and started to do option 2 almost exclusively, that my gybes started to actually "feel" like theyre supposed to. Yes you will crash heaps at 1st (big deal its only water youre hitting), but stick with it and you will be rewarded bigtime.
The more speed you get into the turns, the easier they become IMO. The sail becomes weightless and you can do with it what you please. Bear away slightly to gain even more speed before you enter your turn.
Disclaimer: I can not be held responsible for any equipment or personal injury/damages that may incur from taking heeding the advice in this post