The deadwood of The SWAT Team have been discarded and after a brutal userping of the president of the club which has resulted in him being excluded from not only the team but also Australia, never to return. Only the essential body and heart of The Team remain. However, due to the temporary injury and inability to sail of a couple of key members the SWAT team will be accepting expressions of interest from new members.

Expressions must be submitted in calligraphy, handwritten triplicate of no less than 10 pages. The first 3 pages must convince the team of the severe badassery, dudership, and general wickedness of the applicant. Essential qualities include; the ability to appear dashing in a dinner suit at breakfast and be as drunk as a pirate by brunch yet as articulate as a diplomate by dinner, also be involved in group prostate massaging.

If the applicant manages to impress the applicant comity with their personal characteristics, then the applicant comity will read the next 5 pages on how the applicant (arrogantly) believes they could improve and build upon the already impressive SWAT team and carry on the long, prestigeous legacy.

The final, pages must be filled with artwork (photographs, paintings, and/or dioramas) of applicants of The SWAT Team surfing with their close personal friends Chuck Norris, Jet Lee, and Odin (Pierre) then the applicant must attempt to include themselves seamlessly in this situation without overshadowing or seeming insignificant.

Bonus points will be awarded for applications that pour their life blood into the pages, literally.

We would love to see your application in any form it may come.

The SWAT Team.

Im abit concerned about the swat dress code looking at you Profile pic

NotWal said..

Is this like fantasy football?

This is no joke, we don't fantasise about being the hardest team in the comp. If you want fantasy then stick with football.

We are more the sort of team that would go kiting in budgie smugglers just to get a rise out of the teabaggers!!! You have to have a thick skin to be part of this team. This is why we are so exclusive.
I believe that there is a newly formed team on the GC that already has twice the members that we have. This is how exclusive we are.
We don't sit back on SBreeze and judge, we give all the haters on SB something to judge!!!

If I was going to join a team, this is the kind of high standard operation I would join. I don't however have a tiny arm mounted gps receiver.I do have a large Furuno cathode ray type GPS chartplotter which I can mount on my upper arm.(It's also a sonar fishfinder with a paper printout.) The only problem is the bulky nature of this setup makes it almost impossible to do a port Jibe...I also have an irrational fear of blue blubber jellyfish.

Richiefish said..
If I was going to join a team, this is the kind of high standard operation I would join. I don't however have a tiny arm mounted gps receiver.I do have a large Furuno cathode ray type GPS chartplotter which I can mount on my upper arm.(It's also a sonar fishfinder with a paper printout.) The only problem is the bulky nature of this setup makes it almost impossible to do a port Jibe...I also have an irrational fear of blue blubber jellyfish.

Mr Fish, I commend you for thinking of strapping an early 90's model paper sounder to your arm. But before you do this I will give you some advice. I have used from time to time my Lowrance HDS8 Chart plotter / Sounder to do some sailing. Due to the fact that you need a car/boat battery to run the unit it is advused to wear some sort of bouancy device ie. lifejacket or blow up doll, what ever you have in the back seat of your car. It may sound silly to have a heavy battery on your back, but some of the top sailors in the state have been known to melt down the car batteries and put the lead in their backpack. Lord knows why they are then worried about the weight if the GPS unit??

One fact that you have stated is that you are scared of jellyfish. This fact alone will guarantee you that you will not be fortunate enough to have an offer to join the prestigeous SWAT team. For one of the social events that we undertake when you are not sailing or at the pub, is sort of like over at Moreton Is where you can swim with the dolphins. However we swim with the jellyfish in the nude. I personally have found the the size of my genitalia substantually increases after one of these team swimming sessions. We also go swimming with sharks but that is another story that is best kept for members only.

So Mr. Fish I am sorry but you may be wasting your time submitting an application to join this prestigious team. However due to anti discrimination laws we will still accept your expression of interest.

I would be overjoyed to partake in some pugilism and sado-masochism with the members of such an upstanding and quite remarkable brotherhood. Alas Mr Norris and I will be partaking in some Ales this morning before delivering an di-digit prostate examination at my mother in laws banquet for the forgotten millionaires in today's society.

remo81 said..

You see we have to be careful who we Nom here in QLD. As there are some new laws about Outlaw GPS Speed Sailing Teams that have just been passed through parliament.

Law 21(a) : it is mandatory for any member of the SWAT outlaw GPS Speed Sailing Team to wear pink jumpsuits over their boardshorts.

sausage said..

remo81 said..

You see we have to be careful who we Nom here in QLD. As there are some new laws about Outlaw GPS Speed Sailing Teams that have just been passed through parliament.

Law 21(a) : it is mandatory for any member of the SWAT outlaw GPS Speed Sailing Team to wear pink boardshorts.

Silly Sausage, you should know that we don't wear pink jump suits. However it is team policy to wear pink boardshorts when we are dominating such speed events as The Burrum Heads speed week. The shorts are actually red to start with, but from going so fast some of the colour got sucked out of them and they eventually turn pink.

jusavina said..

Or being so slow that the sun has more time to fad them?

Justvagina, that has been mentioned to us before. But only be the jealous. It has also been said that we start with white pants and because of our frequent visits to the red light district the pant colour turns pink. It is up to you to decide...

Chris, Chris. I know you can't really help it. You and Shane are just lonely boys trying to make friends. It is quite obvious that you have slipped into a fantasy world. This is probably caused by isolation that has brought on severe depression and delusions. My advice is to seek medical help as soon as possible.

As a matriarch of lady sailors and a representative of GPSTC I feel it is my duty to try to steer you onto the right path. We don't want to lose you to the dark side. This talk of kiting in budgie smugglers really worries me.

I have jotted down some of my ideas. I hope they help

You mention discrimination laws but I see you have included no female sailors on your list.

I am impressed by your uniform ideas and pink is good for proving that you are in touch with your feminine side but I am not sure that other boys would enjoy being dressed in pink or understand your reasoning. if you insist on having a uniform I believe that all Lycra uniform would be a best. You only have to look on our roads to find wonderful options for your uniform. It won't be too expensive either as you probably already have a Lycra top.

I am not sure I understand all the talk about jellyfish.

In reality I feel there are only a couple of options open to you (forget about getting the cool kids to join you, they never will! )
1. Find some other sailers with no friends and ask then to join you
2 offer lessons to non windsurfers and sign them up as soon as you can
3 give up and join another team
4 Consider finding another sport where you will have lots of friends like football or cricket
5 get psychiatric help

Does SWAT stand for 'So Weak At That' by the way?
or 'Stultifying Wiggly Abominable Trolls?
I am still trying to understand that name...

rrdsailor said..

Chris take note option 3 from Anne. The offers still open, join the Burrum Heads MOB!!

That's more like a real Team's name!

rrdsailor said..

Chris take note option 3 from Anne. The offers still open, join the Burrum Heads MOB!!

Darryl, offer is noted. Good to see you got out for a sail today.

Attention all SWAT team members. There is a team meeting at the team club house tonight!!! 7:30 till late

Word is that Vando may make an appearance...

Just to let all members and associates know, the SWAT Team Christmas dinner will be held next Wednesday night at The Wello. 7pm kick off. Word is that Vando might make an appearance