The Man Rules

We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You ' re a big girl. If it ' s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don ' t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It ' s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That ' s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you ' re fat, you probably are.
Don ' t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Chris topher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing ' s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don ' t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don ' t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don ' t ask us what we ' re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or League.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don ' t mind that? It ' s like camping.

Having been a wife for over 20 years I would say that is very accurate,
and would suggest it as compulsory reading for all brides.

HUSBAND'S PHILOSOPHY #1

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.....

If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.

Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?

But if the rules are so simple (we are simple beings after all) WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU PEOPLE FROM VENUS TO UNDERSTAND THEM!?!?

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. - YES ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH CLEANING.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. - YES ESPECIALLY IF SOMETHING WAS SAID IN THE HEAT OF AN ARGUMENT!

ive managed to drive home the "1 thing at a time" policy too. that took a long time though.
great list!

Iceman said...

Similar theme. I got in trouble the other day because I said cats were like little furry women.
Now my point is this. I didn't say which atributes of a cat I was talking about. Was it their independance, their athleticism, their cute and cuddly nature? I was howled down for being sexist, but I ask you, who was sexist? Now I'll state it right here, I actually like cats and we have two. Have a look at my avatar. It was just assumed I was being derogatory because I am male. That sounds like THEY were sexist not me.
OK rant over.

I was wondering what you were thinking about when you made that original comment? I am sorry, I am not a mind reader. Do you mean, like John Safran, you prefer Siamese

"You have enough clothes".

I would add: "I have enough clothes".
Why should women want to dress their Norms. Is it a Barbie & Ken thing? A form of control, a remnant of the nesting reflex?

Overall old rehash but quite accurate. We're happy to let them be. They're not happy to let us be. We're happy if they go out shopping or play tennis. They ain't that we want to go windsurfing.

No biggie, after a few years these things reach a middle-point somehow, but it's an on-going battle.

pierrec45 said...

"You have enough clothes".

I would add: "I have enough clothes".
Why should women want to dress their Norms. Is it a Barbie & Ken thing? A form of control, a remnant of the nesting reflex?

Overall old rehash but quite accurate. We're happy to let them be. They're not happy to let us be. We're happy if they go out shopping or play tennis. They ain't that we want to go windsurfing.

No biggie, after a few years these things reach a middle-point somehow, but it's an on-going battle.

I hate when goes and upgrade my wardrobe and buys me clothes. Do I really look that bad?

Whats worse she goes and throws out all my favorite stuff when she thinks its too old, like my old weathered converse all-stars, they were antiques, it took me years to get em looking that way!!!

She never has anything to wear but she takes up 80% of all the wardrobes space in the house. The kids even have her winter stuff in their wardrobes because she doesn' t have enough space!

sboardcrazy said...

pierrec45 said...

"You have enough clothes".

I would add: "I have enough clothes".
Why should women want to dress their Norms. Is it a Barbie & Ken thing? A form of control, a remnant of the nesting reflex?

Overall old rehash but quite accurate. We're happy to let them be. They're not happy to let us be. We're happy if they go out shopping or play tennis. They ain't that we want to go windsurfing.No biggie, after a few years these things reach a middle-point somehow, but it's an on-going battle.

Bit of a role reversal with us..

Perhaps he swims upstream?
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Can I add another rule.

Minor changes to the colour or style of your hair will go unnoticed or will not attract comment. Unlike minor changes to your boobs.

Gidget said...

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the trash, answer the
phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and
funerals.

I know I have too many clothes. At last count I found I had 6 swimsuits, 1 stinger suit, 3 longsleeve rashies, 2 shortsleeve rashies, 1 steamer suit, 1 spring suit, 2 titanium rashies, 1 pr neoprene boardshorts, 1 neoprene vest, 1 pair of bootees, 1 neoprene cap with hood, 1 PFD, 1 seat harness, 1 back harness, 1 pair of sunnies, 6 sarongs. My cosmetic bag holds a tube of 30+ sunscreen, lip balm and a hair brush. Oh, I also have 1 little black dress, 1 small black handbag and a pair of black court shoes if I want to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail, which also does for weddings and funerals. I just can't help myself, after all, I am a woman, and that's my excuse

Just swap the black pumps for a pair of RED STILLETOS and you wont need any excuses.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.


absolutely spot on.

(Me now single after 8 years) freedom tastes great.

Gorgo said...

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

<snip>

And the addition (if I can remember how it goes):

A woman did not come home one night, so in the morning her husband rang her best friend. She said "oh yes she stayed over last night, she's on her way home now".

A Man did not come home one night, so in the morning his wife rang his best 5 friends. All 5 said he had stayed over at their place, and 3 said he was still there sleeping.

albers said...

Check out some of Dave Chappelle's UTube videos on men/women!

PS: She right when she's right, she's right when she's wrong.
PPS: Build a ManShed and get some peace

Mansheds? hmmmm.....

Bad.......





Good...........