Here is a little story I hope amuses and not offends.

It is Friday, you have been stuck at a job all week with only one thought that makes your lowly existence worthwhile.

Saturday

Saturday is the only day for a month that you can go for a ride. Saturday is the day you have pinned your hopes on in a week of drudgery and abject misery.

What’s the forecast??

Please, Please, Please give me a wind. Just a little, 12 knots?? 15??.

And the forecast for Saturday is 10 knots in the morning building to a steady 20 knots NE from midday.

20? North East?

But that is perfect. It never blows from the North East and never, never 20 knots. That means it will be blowing across the sandbar. It must be high tide in the arvo. It couldn’t be low tide. This is too good to believe. Low at 2.00. There IS a god in heaven.

So, Saturday arvo, you pack your gear say goodbye to “She Who Must Be Obeyed” who says “You haven’t done the mowing and that dog of yours needs a bath. He’s been rolling in something again”. This is converted in your fevered and somewhat demented mind as “Go forth my mighty bronzed warrior and battle tempest and raging waters. Return home to me and I’ll prepare a great feast as thanks for your safe return”.

On the beach. You can spot your fellow surfers by the way they hold strange devices to the wind and scan the horizon for the faintest ripple on the calm and azure seas. The forecast was for 20 knots so in spite of what most sane people would do, you rig your gear and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

Nothing. What went wrong? The forecast was for 20 knots. Has God himself been dethroned from Heaven and the Dark Prince now reign in his stead, laughing at the games to be had with such gullible fools. So with heavy heart you unrig your sail and return home, not as some conquering hero but just a sad and broken figure.

So once again you listen to the weather.

What a wonderful day today. 25 degrees, fine and not a breath of wind.

How is this possible? How can someone so heartlessly break someone’s spirit, tramp over them with so much glee and get away with it with nary a care?

Blah, Blah, Blah 25 knots NE.

Hang on what was that. 25 North East?? Are we doing anything tomorrow?

So once again thoughts of skimming across the water, being one with the sprites who reside in the oceans and play with dolphins flood your fevered brow. A hero, a colossus envied by non-surfers, admired by your peers and even some grudging respect by a couple of enlightened kiters intelligent enough to appreciate the complexities of our sport.

You turn to your beloved and she utters the words that only a married man can appreciate the true horror of hearing. “But you promised me you would take me to see my mother”.

This is one of those defining moments in life. Are you going to be a hero, carried on shoulder, laurel wreath placed on your brow and shown to the crowds as a man to be admired, looked up to and something young children are urged to aspire to.

Or are you going to be a man without courage, a shell, someone who looks like a man but in reality is hollow, callow, a lowlife, one without the internal strength or conviction to call himself a sailboarder. One who should rightly be called a KITESURFER!!

This is where you can tell if you are a man or not. You reply with the only two words you can. The two words that prove you are truly under the thumb.

“Yes Dear”.

To any kitesurfers who read my little story. I apologize if I offend. I only used these words for affect.
Thanks to Jimmy who gave me the germ of the idea for the story and a great day on Saturday.

What a story!!! You can tell that a lot of Effort and Thought went into that.

Try..."I have to go to this lunch thing for work, if we get this contract, there's a BIIIG bonus in it"

or... "Great! I'll meet you there - just gotta tie up a few loose ends"

OR "Mother in law? I HAVE no mother in law!"

OR..............

If you look at the "marriage contract" carefully, you'll see that I was NEVER stupid enough to sign such a foolhardy agreement; can't you recognize the name "Donald Duck", no matter how messily written it is??

Iceman said...

Here is a little story I hope amuses and not offends......

You don't need to tell me

Iceman said...

Here is a little story I hope amuses and not offends.
...
So, Saturday arvo, you pack your gear say goodbye to “She Who Must Be Obeyed” who says “You haven’t done the mowing and that dog of yours needs a bath. He’s been rolling in something again”. ....

Anyone who uses the term "she who must be obeyed" should have a serious look at themselves and their relationship.

You chose to get married and have other obligations. Now, go home, mow the lawn, wash the dog and take your wife to see her mother like YOU PROMISED.
Go sailing only when you have fulfilled your obligations....otherwise, stop making her life miserable, leave her so you can go satisfy your selfish pursuits, and allow her to find someone who will keep his promises.

Gee smooch you seem to be quite bitter. I took the whole post as a light hearted jest as did my female friends who read it. Maybe you just need to lighten up a little and not take it all so seriously.

BTW using your logic, isnt it a little selfish for the wife to expect all those things? And I am pretty sure that in all the vows I have heard that the promise to mow the lawn and wash the dog was never there. I am pretty sure that marriage is supposed to be a partnership where there is give and take on both sides not just rigid promises and obligations

Iceman - great read. Very entertaining.

If memory serves me correct the term 'She who must be obeyed' came from the series "Rumpole of the Bailey".

its times like these I think... "what would chuck norris do?"

roundhouse kick her mother then go sailing [}:)]




kidding LOL :)

smooch said...

Mark _australia said...

Get a life troll

Incrimination like this is the reason I have chosen to be anonymous.
As stated in an earlier thread, I will post when I read derogatory remarks that I find offensive.
The other blokes here liked Iceman's post. Just because I didn't and voiced my opinion does that make me a troll?

Smooch, I for one, find YOU offensive with your serious sharp right wing political correctness blather. If you cant say something nice, then its probably best to remain silent
If it offends you so much, then email the producers of the original skit.
Windsurfers in general, are light hearted bunch, and don’t need a parent figure dictating to them on the do’s and don’ts of this world.

Smooch, in the racing car industry we had a term for this, it was called a:
"Sense of humour failure"
I'm sorry to hear that this put you out of the race, you might want to have a word to your engineers to make sure they fix it for next time

Fantastic read Iceman

NO!

I AM SMOOCH!!

I WAS SMOOCH FIRST!

it's men like you that spoil things for all of us.

Lets Be Friends.......

i don't kNow why all of you People are pretending to be me.

ok.

Bondalucci said...

Sorry Gestalt, photographic evidence suggests that Elmo has it in the bag!
Here he is just prior to having a little jump on the couch with Tom.

and you wonder why I get hysterical, Toms had his hand up me bumper and he won't even call me now

smooch said...
... the term "she who must be obeyed" ...

anyone who remembers the source of this phrase - AFAIK Rumpole of the bailey and the wonderful use of the english language in that show knows that it is not an insult and is meant to be taken lightly.

We even had a cat called Rumpole in his honour, now long gone - which shows how old that show is. I suspect the actor might even be gone as well !

Mark _australia said...

smooch said...

Mark _australia said...

Get a life troll

The other blokes here liked Iceman's post. Just because I didn't and voiced my opinion does that make me a troll?

Great. You are a dude. Is that why u didn't answer my P.M's asking for an intimate liason?
Just what we need... a bloke pretending to be a chick.
Brucie part 2.
....
Get over it, we all make fun of each other and without it the world would be pretty sad.
.....
Use your real username if you feel so strongly about the injustices in the world.

I did not select the right words when I said "the other blokes". I was merely referring to the males who had posted in this thread.
We don't "all make fun of each other". I don't make fun of people. I actually find that is is mean to do so, as you never know when you may offend or upset someone.
Again (as I have mentioned in a previous thread), I'll explain why I do not use my real username. It is because I am a female windsurfer, trying to fit in with a male dominated sport. In the real world I have to and do put up with the sexist behaviour/comments and laugh it of as most women have to, in order to be accepted into the group. I have created this alias so that I have the protection of anominity to identify when, I believe people are blatantly putting women down.
Is that really a wrong thing to do?

Many of you don't believe me, but please take a moment to consider what if what I have said is true. How would all of this impersonation and rudeness make me feel.

Yes, I may be fighting a losing battle, but if I do happen to make just one or two of you rethink your attitude to women before you type, then it may be worth it.