So to celebrate St Patricks Day, a little bit of an Irish Song.
Paddy and Colleen walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you be smellin the food?" Colleen asked. "Incredible!"
Paddy the nice guy that he is, turned to Colleen and said, "What the heck, I'll be treatin ya!"
So he turned her around and walked past it again.
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish.
He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.
Paddy O'Ryan walks up to the bar, sits gingerly on a stool and orders a whiskey.
When the bartender brings his drink he says "I've been drinking whiskey all week to cure my sciatica.
The bartender looks concerned and says "I've I can give you a better cure Mr. O'Ryan."
"Hush ya mouth ya heathen, I don't be wanting to hear it!"
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.
'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'
'That's a real coincidence, 'observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on St Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'
'That's really incredible, 'drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.
Mulligan's answers to a general knowledge test in the local paper.
Who was half man, half animal? - Buffalo Bill
Who married Adam, apple is a clue? - Granny Smith
Complete this well-known saying: One swallow doesn't... - Make you sick
What was Gandhi's first name? - Goosey, Goosey
Be careful these Irish witticisms don't infect your computer with this Irish Virus.
Paddy returns home a little bit worse for wear and spies a letter lying on his doormat.
In BIG letters on the envelope it says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spent the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought, "I'm not hiring that lazy Mick..." so he decided to set a test for Murphy hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Murphy says, "Dats easy" and proceeds to draw three trees. The boss says, "What the hell is that?" Murphy says "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine". Fair enough, says the boss.
Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir" he says. The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Murphy says, "each tree's dirty now! So it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100". Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" he makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir. 100." The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks, Ha! Got him this time. "Go on Murphy, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred."
Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?"
May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
Happy St Pats Day.............
