Did i ever tell my story about getting captured by some milfs while poaching?
Moro Islamic Liberation Front in mindanao
I think i might need to jump on tunnell bear for this one cause the total jail and bail is a few decades and i quite like the philippines and may go back for the diving and pork adobo
It essentially ties into why i started teaching kiteboarding and windsurfing hmmm.... ill try leave out the good bits....
Anyways typical story early very early 20s i got fired by my dad building a prison because i ended up meeting stanly owlsley aka bear from the greatful dead fame and joined the rainbow family at theyre gathering out at the walsh river. When entering the jail because it was an active prison if the dogs sat on you youd be thrown off site forever. One the crane drivers had coffee one morning in atherton sat down on a chair that a staff member had done a line of coke off the previous night and that was enough to get a dog to sit on the crane driver the next morning another bloke got done for pulling alot of cash out of the atm and the notes had coke residue on the notes boom dog sat hes gone to so were all panicing these dogs are gonna cost our lives. So when we built the dogs toilets we put a few little bundles of coke in the concrete just under the mud as a little payback on our fury friends anyways thats where i came into the scene at the work camp i was always flying kites and everyone thought i was an absolute kook but i was always bringing local girls into the camp so people warmed upto me one these chicks i fell in love with some hippy whose dad had pot leaves tattooes all over him they had a pretty ahhhh respected.... last name around the region. Not quite as respected as mine but you get the idea anyways she takes me out to the walsh this commune sorta joint with vikings and bears and river fairys and all sorts weird **** going on (just turn right at the windmill past quixotes) anyways turns out bear was BEAR as in the band manager for the grateful dead ala owlsley who was responsible for makeing most the lsd in the world in the 60s and 70s for whatever reason he had landed himself out at the walsh river and was a little worried about the mayan calander ending in 2012 and i believe drove his car into a tree on purpose new years eve of that year. Anyways turns out those dogs couldnt detect owsleys acid so i flooded the work camp with it within a week i had about 6 different dudes flying kites up the back of the work camp in the middle of the desert people knew something was wrong once we playes this 3 day long game of hide and go seek rather then going to work and sure enough some the boys started actually having a bit of suger with theyre morning coffee before gettinf into the active prison the guards had seen it all before and knew what was up but for whatever reason they didnt divulge where it was coming from im still not sure if it was the little wolf girls family or my own that they didnt want to cross maybe both or maybe the lsd was just really good and they loved us anyways inevitably my old man finds out gets a little annoyed half his crew are now wanting to dance around maypoles with flowers in theyre hair rather then demolish and rebuild detention blocks ****s me off and i get the sack just as cyclone yasi hits and we have to leave the camp anyways. I decided the safest possible route was to go hide out in airlie so i bring my little crefts turtle that i rescued from the flood water at the cable ski park and we head on down with the cyclone following our direct path i end up pretty much saveing my dads house from the cyclone usual **** ive done all my life in airlie tapeing up windows etc etc etc this time i got a little buddy with me and hes getting thirsty so i take houdini the crefts turtle out to magnums nightclub where he meets alot of young girls from england and scotland and france and makes fast friends and he brings them all back to help save the house from yasi we end up aquireing a few surfboards and surfing out the front during the cyclone the waves actually peeled quite nice off the rock wall there good times. I ended up releaseing houdini back at the cairns cableski park few years later but this isnt his story. This is a story about being captured by milfs and to get to that i gotto first go to tasmania and drive around the island burying a hundred kilos of tinned tuna and then circumnavigate back around it again by foot with a backpack full of spices and condiments and a furnace which i would use to place the popppy pods i found growing over the fences there. I would just place the pods between my hands and crush them clasping my hands together then pour in the boiling water and when ever i got to the summit of the mountain i was doing that day i would set up camp and drink the tea. It took me a couple months to walk around tasmania summiting all those mountains and learning my offtrack navigation wasnt without peril one time i broke my ankle and had to eat all my food and drink all my water to reduce the weight so i could hobble my way over a couple ridgelines back to salvation by the 3rd day no food and drinking water out of yabbie holes with a napkin in a straw i came across some lemon rines that had fallen off a yacht and washed ashore so i ate them whole then as if by some miracle i found a packet of biscotti cream biscuits complete in foil i couldnt believe they were real and swore i would get a tattoo of them on my body one day which i never did. Because i hadnt had much to drink i scoffed them down immediately regretting my decision as they completely removed whatever moisture my mouth had. The curse of the biscotti creams would continue in my life but this is about the milfs. So to fasttrack now that i had become some sort of adventurer i decided it was time for me to really hone on my kiteboarding skills being towed around the cable parks and up and down farmers channells on motorbikes on a wakeboard and the odd weekend or 2 out at yorkeys or port kiteing wasnt quite enough i decided to go to canada but i couldnt so i went to the philippines instead. Apon arriveing in the philippines i quickly learnt i was one of the youngest travelers there and that when you ordered a coke and rum they accidently poured the glass nearly full of rum but with a tiny bit of coke in it. Im slavic which is where the word slave came from (wheres my history month?) So this little secret i believed i discovered went down like holodomor it wasnt until months later i realised the coke was actually more expensive then the rum and i was just a bit of a pig for the tanduay truth syrum.anyways a month rolls past ans im extending my visa i cant afford an airconditioner or anything like that ao im living on the kite beach and ive met a couple local girls the foreign girls seem to have little to no interest in me outside of being diving buddys but the locals seemed to love me mostly because i had grown up on a farm and was killing and gutting and plucking chickens from the age of 6 so in comparison to the toursists i was a bit of a savage and they liked hearing my storys about having a pet crocodile when i was a kid. Because of this the other long term tourists started to notice me that i just didnt seem to be going home months would roll by then eventually seasons soon there was no kiteboarsing to be done and i was austaining myself purely on diveing. Diveing saved my life as it required me to be somewhat sober to do due to the very deep beyond rec limit dives i was doing. One dive had a nearly hour long deco where they had to send down an extra tank for me (sorry lord byron if your reading this) anyways i start to require money my bar tabs are starting to get long listed with san miguel lights and marlboro lights and occasional red horse when my alter comes out every full moon and i start asking around with the long term expats how it is they are makeing money. A rather clever norwegian bloke had written a script that would translate white goods manuals automatically. Very cool but i have no computer and my handwriteing is illegable. My british mechanic mate who taught me how to wash clothes in a bucket was doing the banged up abroad thing between cambodia and back i knew from my time building the prison i wanted nothing to do with it some the girls are danceing and hosting i obviously couldnt do that either and others were teaching diveing and kiteing at the time i thought that was impossible so i gave up on makeing money and really started roughing it slept on the beach with some homeless local friends and by this point i had my own id etc etc it was fun but i still didnt want to leave so i pulled my ace card out and contacted the philipinos my dad brought to australia and we had a talk.
A plan was made and i wont go into details obviously but i ended up down in mindanao under the guise of visiting some tourist attractions but i soon took off into the jungle on the hunt for a rather interesting creature some say that if i can find one big enough not only will it fetch me 1 million pesos at the time itll also take my fingers off so the hubt for the elusive 1kg male tokay gecko was on and at night i would spend it stumbleing around the jungle utiliseing those tricks i learnt in tasmania waitong for them to bark at me like some sort of elusive hound gyak gak gak gak gak they would make the bigger the noise the bigger the prize i ended up captureing a few both male and female but they wernt very big maybe fit 3 on 1 hand so i imbeded myself in the jungle community with the protection granted on me by the big white monkey as they called my father who helped a few familys move to aus and paid them a fortune in theyre eyes to build north qld. But they wernt the only people in the jungle down there. It was largely known as an islamic island but the christians came and had a bit of a war so being sided with the christians i was pretty unaware of this fact and who the original milfs were this lack of knowledge had emboldens me to say the least and i stupidly had kinda started to try live like it was the party tourist island which it wasnt i wont go into details but i essentially got very lucky lost all but 2 of my smallest geckos and licked my wounds back to the party island. It was a long journey covered in bug bites and parasites so i quickly turned to my new little friends for companionship. Now when i originally set out to aquire them i always kind of knew the chinese were the buyers i wrongly assumed it was a jackie chan and a pet koala type deal but it was more of a not buck buck it woof woof type deal so i sadly went back into the pirate bar to ring up yet another tab the owner a dude who i considered quite a good friend by now was ehhhh not unhappy but not happy to see me given i left island without paying my tab but in my eyes i thought i had but then i got black out drunk again and ran up a whole new one even tho it was my goodbye drinks so it was mixed feelings until i started to explain exactly where i had just been. This got the locals quite buzzing even more then when i ate more balut then the philippino dragon boat captain in a drunken bet months before it was 84 (he didnt know at the time how hungry and poor i was). Anyways they REALLY didnt believe my story! They were entertained and couldnt even fathom i had gone into the milf territory so i then explained to them a bit more about the events that led upto this point and they slowly started to believe and i then learnt that theyre was quite a few of them that hadnt seen one of my little budys before so they offered me rum to go get them and i rushed off to go grab them memorys and feelings of how little houdini would sit in my hat at magnums only for me to bow down to the girls for them to see his cute little face munching on some lettuce came back to me so i put my 2 little amigos (i only spoke to them in spanish as orderes by the milf) and i housed them in my wakeboarding helmet and went back to the bar. I soon knew i had actually achieved something here and it wasnt a total defeat the tourists ironiclly didnt quite care about the geckos but the locals sure did and i learnt alot of storys about them ans theyre spirit i soon realised i needed to really protect them as the drinks continued coming my way the tourists then cottoned on and i would retell the tails i had learnt about them. I would be lieing if i said i wasnt still trying to fatten them up with coconut cream and bread and all the roaches i could find in the hopes they would grow up big and strong to sell for a million pesos (22kaud at the time) but as time went on from bar to bar i travelles with my new little compadres i learnt that it takes years for them to get big and the 1kg males are more of a growth defect anomaly then simply giving them little backpacks and high protein diets. I ended up leaving them with the divers bar as i realised this entire time the highest paying job i could do on the island was teaching kiteboarding which was the whole reason why i was there in the first place. I would eventually gollow the wind around asia for another year or so and somehow made it thru became and instructor even competes briefly only to be beaten by a kid and decideing that i was to old and fat at the age of 26 to be a champion kiteboarder and took up paragliding instead. Anyways thats a bit of a yarn on how i found myself surrounded by milfs like no other young man has in asia. They say theres a swiss cheese analogy for whenever a major catastrophic air accident happens its one little hole layered with another little hole and i believe my experiences with the prison and the hippys and the cable ski park and the biscotti creams the big white monkey are all of these holes that just so happened to line up its like my life was called to that jungle for it to end.
But i told them my story and the milfs laughed and let me go.
If you want to hear the fun bits you gotto come to some of my drug and alcohole meetings 
we went from 1 group a week to 2 because people got word frothy was there and then all the other psychs and lived experience people would take up half the chairs even when i would try mix my days up to reach a wider audience at the end of the meetings we have to sign back up for which day to do next week and they would wait outside the room to see which day i signed on for. If i said tuesday it would be a continually stream of people saying tuesday if i said thursday then they would all agree thursday i explained once how everything in the room could fly including themselves and just how much wind we would need to get out the window by getting them to lick the back of theyre hands and blowing on it and if it got to a certain temperature then it was enough wind to let it rip potato chip and jump out
So yeah fun fun im off for a surf catchyas in the dip of ya trip
ChatGPT summary
He reminisced about geckos in his hat, cared for them, and shared stories. Eventually, he left them at a bar, realizing kiteboarding was his purpose. He traveled Asia teaching, competed briefly, then shifted to paragliding at 26, reflecting on life's serendipities.
Meanwhile my meta ai says this about it
What a tale!
To summarize, the laws potentially broken in this story include:
1. *Poaching*: Capturing protected species, such as the tokay gecko, without proper permits or licenses.
2. *Smuggling*: Transporting captured animals across borders or within the country without proper documentation or permits.
3. *Endangered species trade*: Dealing with protected species, such as the tokay gecko, which may be listed under international or national conservation laws.]
4. *Visa and immigration laws*: Overstaying or violating visa conditions in the Philippines.
5. *Tax evasion*: Failing to declare income or pay taxes on earnings from the sale of captured animals.
As for the total jail time, it's difficult to estimate without knowing the specific laws and regulations broken, as well as the jurisdiction. However, if convicted, the penalties could range from fines to imprisonment, potentially totaling several years.
Keep in mind that this is a hypothetical assessment, and I'm not a lawyer. The story is likely meant to be entertaining rather than a factual account of actual events.
Cant help but notice a lack of green thumbs for what took me an hour to type out on a 10 year old phone 
Yeah all that typeing
I enjoyed it, if anyone doesn't have time just read every third sentence and its still good.
Well, that was a very interesting story indeed. Not what I had in mind, but wow, I have lived a very sheltered life..
Re read the first few lines it explains who the milfs are bit of an old islamic organisation
Like all good storys the core has to be true with a dusting of creativity as opposed to the core being bull**** leafed in gold
The milfs were long ago disbanded name changed typical phoenix construction company really theyre business went sour and the rebranded but essentially same core tenants i like theyre old stuff better then theyre new stuff
Select to expand quoteFroth Goth said..
Did i ever tell my story about getting captured by some milfs while poaching?
Moro Islamic Liberation Front in mindanao
I think i might need to jump on tunnell bear for this one cause the total jail and bail is a few decades and i quite like the philippines and may go back for the diving and pork adobo
It essentially ties into why i started teaching kiteboarding and windsurfing hmmm.... ill try leave out the good bits....
Anyways typical story early very early 20s i got fired by my dad building a prison because i ended up meeting stanly owlsley aka bear from the greatful dead fame and joined the rainbow family at theyre gathering out at the walsh river. When entering the jail because it was an active prison if the dogs sat on you youd be thrown off site forever.
One the crane drivers had coffee one morning in atherton sat down on a chair that a staff member had done a line of coke off the previous night and that was enough to get a dog to sit on the crane driver the next morning another bloke got done for pulling alot of cash out of the atm and the notes had coke residue on the notes boom dog sat hes gone to so were all panicing these dogs are gonna cost our lives.
So when we built the dogs toilets we put a few little bundles of coke in the concrete just under the mud as a little payback on our fury friends anyways thats where i came into the scene at the work camp i was always flying kites and everyone thought i was an absolute kook but i was always bringing local girls into the camp so people warmed upto me one these chicks i fell in love with some hippy whose dad had pot leaves tattooes all over him they had a pretty ahhhh respected.... last name around the region.
Not quite as respected as mine but you get the idea anyways she takes me out to the walsh this commune sorta joint with vikings and bears and river fairys and all sorts weird **** going on (just turn right at the windmill past quixotes) anyways turns out bear was BEAR as in the band manager for the grateful dead ala owlsley who was responsible for makeing most the lsd in the world in the 60s and 70s for whatever reason he had landed himself out at the walsh river and was a little worried about the mayan calander ending in 2012 and i believe drove his car into a tree on purpose new years eve of that year.
Anyways turns out those dogs couldnt detect owsleys acid so i flooded the work camp with it within a week i had about 6 different dudes flying kites up the back of the work camp in the middle of the desert people knew something was wrong once we playes this 3 day long game of hide and go seek rather then going to work and sure enough some the boys started actually having a bit of suger with theyre morning coffee before gettinf into the active prison the guards had seen it all before and knew what was up but for whatever reason they didnt divulge where it was coming from im still not sure if it was the little wolf girls family or my own that they didnt want to cross maybe both or maybe the lsd was just really good and they loved us anyways inevitably my old man finds out gets a little annoyed half his crew are now wanting to dance around maypoles with flowers in theyre hair rather then demolish and rebuild detention blocks ****s me off and i get the sack just as cyclone yasi hits and we have to leave the camp anyways.
I decided the safest possible route was to go hide out in airlie so i bring my little crefts turtle that i rescued from the flood water at the cable ski park and we head on down with the cyclone following our direct path i end up pretty much saveing my dads house from the cyclone usual **** ive done all my life in airlie tapeing up windows etc etc etc this time i got a little buddy with me and hes getting thirsty so i take houdini the crefts turtle out to magnums nightclub where he meets alot of young girls from england and scotland and france and makes fast friends and he brings them all back to help save the house from yasi we end up aquireing a few surfboards and surfing out the front during the cyclone the waves actually peeled quite nice off the rock wall there good times. I ended up releaseing houdini back at the cairns cableski park few years later but this isnt his story.
This is a story about being captured by milfs and to get to that i gotto first go to tasmania and drive around the island burying a hundred kilos of tinned tuna and then circumnavigate back around it again by foot with a backpack full of spices and condiments and a furnace which i would use to place the popppy pods i found growing over the fences there. I would just place the pods between my hands and crush them clasping my hands together then pour in the boiling water and when ever i got to the summit of the mountain i was doing that day i would set up camp and drink the tea.
It took me a couple months to walk around tasmania summiting all those mountains and learning my offtrack navigation wasnt without peril one time i broke my ankle and had to eat all my food and drink all my water to reduce the weight so i could hobble my way over a couple ridgelines back to salvation by the 3rd day no food and drinking water out of yabbie holes with a napkin in a straw i came across some lemon rines that had fallen off a yacht and washed ashore so i ate them whole then as if by some miracle i found a packet of biscotti cream biscuits complete in foil i couldnt believe they were real and swore i would get a tattoo of them on my body one day which i never did. Because i hadnt had much to drink i scoffed them down immediately regretting my decision as they completely removed whatever moisture my mouth had.
The curse of the biscotti creams would continue in my life but this is about the milfs. So to fasttrack now that i had become some sort of adventurer i decided it was time for me to really hone on my kiteboarding skills being towed around the cable parks and up and down farmers channells on motorbikes on a wakeboard and the odd weekend or 2 out at yorkeys or port kiteing wasnt quite enough i decided to go to canada but i couldnt so i went to the philippines instead. Apon arriveing in the philippines i quickly learnt i was one of the youngest travelers there and that when you ordered a coke and rum they accidently poured the glass nearly full of rum but with a tiny bit of coke in it. Im slavic which is where the word slave came from (wheres my history month?)
So this little secret i believed i discovered went down like holodomor it wasnt until months later i realised the coke was actually more expensive then the rum and i was just a bit of a pig for the tanduay truth syrum.anyways a month rolls past ans im extending my visa i cant afford an airconditioner or anything like that ao im living on the kite beach and ive met a couple local girls the foreign girls seem to have little to no interest in me outside of being diving buddys but the locals seemed to love me mostly because i had grown up on a farm and was killing and gutting and plucking chickens from the age of 6 so in comparison to the toursists i was a bit of a savage and they liked hearing my storys about having a pet crocodile when i was a kid.
Because of this the other long term tourists started to notice me that i just didnt seem to be going home months would roll by then eventually seasons soon there was no kiteboarsing to be done and i was austaining myself purely on diveing. Diveing saved my life as it required me to be somewhat sober to do due to the very deep beyond rec limit dives i was doing. One dive had a nearly hour long deco where they had to send down an extra tank for me (sorry lord byron if your reading this) anyways i start to require money my bar tabs are starting to get long listed with san miguel lights and marlboro lights and occasional red horse when my alter comes out every full moon and i start asking around with the long term expats how it is they are makeing money.
A rather clever norwegian bloke had written a script that would translate white goods manuals automatically. Very cool but i have no computer and my handwriteing is illegable. My british mechanic mate who taught me how to wash clothes in a bucket was doing the banged up abroad thing between cambodia and back i knew from my time building the prison i wanted nothing to do with it some the girls are danceing and hosting i obviously couldnt do that either and others were teaching diveing and kiteing at the time i thought that was impossible so i gave up on makeing money and really started roughing it slept on the beach with some homeless local friends and by this point i had my own id etc etc it was fun but i still didnt want to leave so i pulled my ace card out and contacted the philipinos my dad brought to australia and we had a talk.
A plan was made and i wont go into details obviously but i ended up down in mindanao under the guise of visiting some tourist attractions but i soon took off into the jungle on the hunt for a rather interesting creature some say that if i can find one big enough not only will it fetch me 1 million pesos at the time itll also take my fingers off so the hubt for the elusive 1kg male tokay gecko was on and at night i would spend it stumbleing around the jungle utiliseing those tricks i learnt in tasmania waitong for them to bark at me like some sort of elusive hound gyak gak gak gak gak they would make the bigger the noise the bigger the prize i ended up captureing a few both male and female but they wernt very big maybe fit 3 on 1 hand so i imbeded myself in the jungle community with the protection granted on me by the big white monkey as they called my father who helped a few familys move to aus and paid them a fortune in theyre eyes to build north qld.
But they wernt the only people in the jungle down there. It was largely known as an islamic island but the christians came and had a bit of a war so being sided with the christians i was pretty unaware of this fact and who the original milfs were this lack of knowledge had emboldens me to say the least and i stupidly had kinda started to try live like it was the party tourist island which it wasnt i wont go into details but i essentially got very lucky lost all but 2 of my smallest geckos and licked my wounds back to the party island. It was a long journey covered in bug bites and parasites so i quickly turned to my new little friends for companionship.
Now when i originally set out to aquire them i always kind of knew the chinese were the buyers i wrongly assumed it was a jackie chan and a pet koala type deal but it was more of a not buck buck it woof woof type deal so i sadly went back into the pirate bar to ring up yet another tab the owner a dude who i considered quite a good friend by now was ehhhh not unhappy but not happy to see me given i left island without paying my tab but in my eyes i thought i had but then i got black out drunk again and ran up a whole new one even tho it was my goodbye drinks so it was mixed feelings until i started to explain exactly where i had just been.
This got the locals quite buzzing even more then when i ate more balut then the philippino dragon boat captain in a drunken bet months before it was 84 (he didnt know at the time how hungry and poor i was). Anyways they REALLY didnt believe my story! They were entertained and couldnt even fathom i had gone into the milf territory so i then explained to them a bit more about the events that led upto this point and they slowly started to believe and i then learnt that theyre was quite a few of them that hadnt seen one of my little budys before so they offered me rum to go get them and i rushed off to go grab them memorys and feelings of how little houdini would sit in my hat at magnums only for me to bow down to the girls for them to see his cute little face munching on some lettuce came back to me so i put my 2 little amigos (i only spoke to them in spanish as orderes by the milf) and i housed them in my wakeboarding helmet and went back to the bar.
I soon knew i had actually achieved something here and it wasnt a total defeat the tourists ironiclly didnt quite care about the geckos but the locals sure did and i learnt alot of storys about them ans theyre spirit i soon realised i needed to really protect them as the drinks continued coming my way the tourists then cottoned on and i would retell the tails i had learnt about them.
I would be lieing if i said i wasnt still trying to fatten them up with coconut cream and bread and all the roaches i could find in the hopes they would grow up big and strong to sell for a million pesos (22kaud at the time) but as time went on from bar to bar i travelles with my new little compadres i learnt that it takes years for them to get big and the 1kg males are more of a growth defect anomaly then simply giving them little backpacks and high protein diets. I ended up leaving them with the divers bar as i realised this entire time the highest paying job i could do on the island was teaching kiteboarding which was the whole reason why i was there in the first place.
I would eventually gollow the wind around asia for another year or so and somehow made it thru became and instructor even competes briefly only to be beaten by a kid and decideing that i was to old and fat at the age of 26 to be a champion kiteboarder and took up paragliding instead. Anyways thats a bit of a yarn on how i found myself surrounded by milfs like no other young man has in asia. They say theres a swiss cheese analogy for whenever a major catastrophic air accident happens its one little hole layered with another little hole and i believe my experiences with the prison and the hippys and the cable ski park and the biscotti creams the big white monkey are all of these holes that just so happened to line up its like my life was called to that jungle for it to end.
But i told them my story and the milfs laughed and let me go.
The Feds need to work for it? I need to work for it, and that is as much as I can do in one sitting.
I will come back in a week and try and read it
Your careful use of really really really long sentences will deter the Feds. They are too busy changing pronouns and deporting Mexicans for working in the kitchens of restaurants.
You did it all on a phone?.. well no problem then. We are tracking you as you write every word and AI is telling us the interesting parts.
Ive been studying ai since its inception and have learnt that as long as i look at the letterrs next tothe ones i want to press im virtually undetectable 
newsinfo.inquirer.net/2090961/gunfight-that-broke-out-in-maguindanao-del-sur-town-ends-up-in-a-wedding
Well well well!!!!!
If it isnt
THE RETURN OF THE MILFS!!!
