My mate is going through a messy divorce and is in the process of getting a lawyer, but in the interim I thought I'd post here, see if anyone who's been through similar **** can advise. He's just received some doco from his ex's lawyer stating he needs to attend a mediation session in court, the same doco also stated she wants 80%! Their financial circumstances are pretty even, so 80% seems pretty high.

- he's a tradie earning $60K
- she's an Admin Assistant earning $40K
- they own a $900k house with $150k mortgage (which he lives in & is trying to sell)
- they have two kids with 50/50 custody
- they were together 10 years

Would a court really grant someone in this position 80%? Also he cannot sell the house, she's insisting he drop the price significantly, can a court order him to keep on dropping the price until he sells the house? Any advice would be appreciated.

My sister-in-law went through a divorce and the husband never attended anything, even the court hearings or the information requests. In the end the Judge was powerless to do anything.

It's not quite as bad as it used to gbe but if you are a bloke going through a divorce get used to bending over and thinking of England.

The only diff these days is the depth is not quite as bad as it used to be.

I say this cause if your mate expects a fair outcome he is garaunteed to get himself deeper into depression and anger that may last the rest of his life.

If there is animosity between the couple its will almost definately play against him.

Try to placate the ex and expect the worse, don't expect fairness it doesn't exist in the family courts. The family court is stuck in the 50s with a bloke = provider and mum = nuturer philosophy set in stone. Simple as that.

That's just how it is so he can waste energy fighting it and get more angry, or use his energies to make the best of what he ends up with and move forward/away from the negative sh!t.

getfunky said...

It's not quite as bad as it used to gbe but if you are a bloke going through a divorce get used to bending over and thinking of England.

The only diff these days is the depth is not quite as bad as it used to be.

I say this cause if your mate expects a fair outcome he is garaunteed to get himself deeper into depression and anger that may last the rest of his life.

If there is animosity between the couple its will almost definately play against him.

Try to placate the ex and expect the worse, don't expect fairness it doesn't exist in the family courts. The family court is stuck in the 50s with a bloke = provider and mum = nuturer philosophy set in stone. Simple as that.

That's just how it is so he can waste energy fighting it and get more angry, or use his energies to make the best of what he ends up with and move forward/away from the negative sh!t.

So True GF

Am there now.
1. Get a good lawyer. Have just watched my $700 an hour lawyer chew up and spit out her $300 an hour job. Remember that the cost comes out nearly the same in the end as the leg work is done by junior lawyers and clerks in a big law firm and the expensive one directs the show and then appears front and centre on the day. Using a small office lawyer means you will be paying for them to do all of it.
2. Go to the mediation. Remember that her documents are only a first round offer. Like any offer, there is always ambit in the first claim. Mediation is by far the best way out and a hell of a lot cheaper. Doesn't look good if you go straight to court without seriously trying dispute resolution and the court wont let you into the system unless you have a certificate from the mediation providers stating that you have tried and it failed.
3. If mediation fails, be prepared for a long wait for your day in court.
4. In the interim, go do some courses such as Mums and Dads forever. The judge will generally order that one or both parents attend this course and they take time to get into. If you knock it out before you are ordered then you are in front and it looks good to the court, not only that but you will find they really help you refocus on what is important and give skills for co-parenting into the future.
5. Be realistic about your expectations in the outcome for example if mediation lands at 55-45 then seriously assess whether the 10% is worth all the extra bitterness.
6. DONT BE PETTY! It is a very painful process but dont get dragged into the mud with namecalling etc. Think of the parent you want your kids model themselves on and stand tall. It will pay off in time.

Difficult time! been there, probably the worst you'll ever experience at this phase.
But it gets better I'm so glad to be free also!!

In answer to your questions there is no way she can get 80% she's dreaming, given the equality in family income of both is within 20% of each other.

On the information you have posted the split is most definitely going to be 60/40 to wife.(that scenario would be for a Dad that had the kids part time i.e every second wkend).
If the custody is 50/50 then maybe he can find a more equitable financial cut?

The problem is that everyone gets in her ear and all they advise is to fleece the man for all he's worth in what ever way they think "is there god given right".

My advice
1st get a statutory declaration from the family courts to say they both have formally split(reason because she can continue to divide all asset wealth up until lodged with the family courts),
Then drop her like a sack of potato's accept 65% loss of assets as the worst outcome and settle at that figure he will need to lawyer up if she has already, just get the lawyer to draw up a formal asset settlement doco and custody doco for her to sign and offer it to her lawyer for acceptance.
She will hold out as advised by her lawyer and the lawyer wheels will begin to spin.
At that time sack your lawyer and use the knowledge gained thus far and doco templates that they have already written up to counter with your own settlement figure and try to get her to settle and sign this way and outside of court.

The courts cannot order him to drop his house price.

It is in his best interest to settle out of court and pay her out as quick as possible.
Beware of a thing called spousal maintenance and her trying to take the kids interstate or overseas make sure you put stops on the kids passports etc.

Good friends he will need. Goodluck.

I have been through it, but no kids involved.

I had a buddy that beat the system, but he is an obstinate bastard, He didn't engage the solicitor, and read the law books himself. Every letter he got from her solicitor, he replied to requesting clarity on point 1, and when that was clarified he would ask for clarity of point 2. in the end at $50 a letter it cost her heaps, and he learnt more about the whole process.
When they had their day in court, because he had been on the books, he shut the solicitor down. Solicitor ended up leaving town.

The other thing to consider is cutting back your work to cater to more custody time, and it reduces the income stream for Child support. I know guy who even stopped work. It discourages the "Lady" from thinking that there is a gravy train.

Try staying un emotional, never meet with them alone, My X told me that I was obviously upset, and it would be okay if I hit her. I roared laughing instead.
If you are having a meeting with them and their phone rings, if they answer it, leave the room. It's a set up power play to belittle you. All physocology stuff and games people play.

While you try and minimise the cost of Solicitors, try and keep the girlfriends from giving her advice. Some of those bitter and twisted individuals love to keep the fight happening, it gives them something to live for.

Its not an easy road, but most of the people I know, and from my own experince heal quite well afterwards, and move on, replace the finances, and are happy with their lot.

Good Luck....

Been there too, nasty, nasty business, worst time of my life.
Only way to get through it, as many have already stated …. Mediation……. Damm hard though!
Think of the kids.
The only ones who benefit are the lawyers.

Keep one thing in mind …………… at the end is freedom!!
Man it’s good!!
Cheers

shark said...
Some good advice here...
but f++k there is some STUPID advice also??

I was just thinking the same!

I'm afraid if you think hiding your money in trusts or spending it all etc, will help your mistaken as the courts will ask for ALL financial records every single statement on every single financial interest you have for the past 2 years if money has just vanished or if you don't give full disclosure to the courts/lawyers and the courts find out they will rule heavily in favour of her and she will reap the benefits.

If she is already deluded into thinking she is entitled to 80% already you will most certainly have a court battle on your hands but remember the children are the important thing here and your money is still going to be providing a roof over there heads.

reminds of me of that shane jacobson line on that dunny movie "Dont get married, just find someone you hate, and buy them a house"

try and avoid anger...it will end up costing him heaps...when I went through it I likend it to driving an old car with f#*ked radiator...keep going till she starts to overheat then pull over for awhile till she cools down...lots of short trips will get you there....try and do it all at once and she's gonna blow...the light at the end of the tunnel is freedom.

stop work/ go kiting/ liquidate all assets real fast and go to maui..................now lets talk about custody.....

My bit of advice DO THE MEDIATION can save you ****loads,,will cut down court time to ,, Good lawer helps .

stribo,great advise i took up windsurfing during my divorce its a fkn hard time so yeh get your mate windsurfing he will thank you for it

i got 6 percent of assets because the chidren were young/ and the judge said i can bounce back easily.....


after bankruptcy ... nothing will stop the gravy train unless u do.............

NasiGoreng said...

1) put the ownership of any assets in a trust asap (means he doesnt own them and cant be counted as an asset)
2) remove ex from super beneficiaries list
3) seek legal advice pronto as she can access half his super
4) if house is in just his name deffo put under a trust. - see accountant or fin advisor
it will be safe.
4.5) act quickly, DONT do nothing, my mate did nothing and came out pennyless.
5) hire hit man.

I can tell you that 1 and 4 don't mean a thing, even if you have done this any assets not at arm's length can be deemed yours, and included in settlement

3 and 4.5 are worth exploring

If you do 5 also get a good criminal lawyer too...